Saturday, June 1, 2013

PROM, YO

Last weekend I had prom and...it was pretty amazing and not at all overrated in anyway. I legitimately loved it and it really did go by in a blur. It's weird. I am prone to buying into hype and getting overly excited about things I normally wouldn't because I'm surrounded by people who're getting excited...But seriously. Prom was off the hook.

For dinner they had steak and a ton of vegetables and adorable balls of butter for delicious rolls, so, yeah, good food. The music was of the typical school dance variety, but I did get someone to teach me how "stanky leg" so it was a total and complete success. I wasn't completely clear on the fact that 86% of prom is spent holding your dress up so your boobs don't fall out, but that was the most popular dance move of the night. Nothing gets a group of mid-western teenagers together like Ke$ha, though, who is MY GIRL, so that made for some great (sweaty) dance floor jamming. I'm not really that hard to sway, though; I'll basically eat anything that won't kill me and I will dance to everything.


All in all, I look like a princess and I love it.

After-Prom was at a place basically called Stuff and Things and it was awesome? There were bumper cars, and laser tag, and a rock wall, and air-hockey, and rollerblading, and go kart-ing. And, even though it was 30 degrees, I went go kart-ing and kicked ass. Then: I won a mini fridge. And free dinner and a movie gift cards. And a bunch of body wash stuff.

I made Prom Night my bitch.

Then, after sleeping for six hours, we went to a camping ground? At least, I thought we were going to a camp ground, but in all actuality we weren't camping at all, but rather...cottage-ing? It was an adorable cottage, I'm not complaining at all. It was surrounded by other little cottages and it was right on the lake and it was kind of fancy as fuck. I didn't swim in the lake (I swam in the indoor pool????? not a campground) but I did watch my friends fish, so that counts for something. I spent ten dollars on protecting myself from skin cancer before paddle-boating with a swan. The only problem was I kept hearing Jess Mariano's voice in my head about being beaked. I didn't get sun burnt and I didn't get beaked, the worst thing to happen was I fell off a log, therefore bruising the entire back of my leg and, worst of all, dropping the best s'more I've ever made all over myself instead of in my mouth.

Other than that, overall fantastic weekend.


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Lazy May-zy

I was sitting here, watching The Hills, with the open Blogger tab glaring into my peripherals. I glanced at it and could barely stare it in the face. An overwhelming feeling of I can't do this washed over me for a full minute before I realized just how stupid that thought is. It's blogging. Of course I can do this. Why I feel the need to put paralyzing pressure on myself in every single thing I do, I don't know, but that shit needs to stop. I have five drafts right now, started and worked on just in the past eight days. This is BLOGGING; I've done this so much, why am I having such a difficult time this week? I legitimately have a lot to talk about, like the situation in Cleveland right now, with the news of the three missing girls found; I finished my college finals today (!!!); I literally just got a job tonight(!!!!); I've got less than two weeks left of high school; lastly, and most importantly, I met Anderson Cooper.* I've really got a lot going on at the moment.** Still, it's been hard for me to find the words to discuss any of this. This is me pushing through it---or I guess, rather, around it seeing as this isn't exactly a post discussing any of these topics specifically but instead an overview of everything. Lazy lazy lazy. What can I say?...That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out.

It's been 8 days since I last blogged. It feels like so much longer, and yet, 8 days still feels like a lot. Can anyone believe it's already May 8th????! I can't. Happy May, everybody!

*So I didn't get to talk to him or get a picture I saw him and he saw me and we acknowledged each other and I got to personally watch him do news live and it was great
**Especially since I just found this amazing website where I'll have to force myself away from once I have paychecks: http://wwtaylorw.com/

Days left of high school: 10

Monday, May 6, 2013

Goofy and 18

When talking about their pro/con lists for college, Lorelai tells Rory to add "theatre" to the Yale Pro List.

She says, "You'll get to see the next Meryl Streep all goofy and 18 and doing crap like, 'Name an occupation!' Plumber! 'Name a farm tool!' Tractor! Yeah...I'm a tractor...doing plumbing!"

While I'm not planning on being the next Meryl Streep, it's little things like this that make me feel excited to be goofy and young and on the brink of starting something new in my life.*

Mostly, I'm more enthused than ever to be done with high school.

I've never been very good at balance, physical or mental, but I'm determined to be happy and successful and maybe I'll just go get some shoes. New Balance. Hahhhhhhh.


*Where's Zefron?

Monday, April 29, 2013

Boulevard of Broken Pants

I have SO many half-finished posts, reviews, rants, lists. They're just sitting around, sad and incomplete, but I'm afraid they'll have to stay that way for now. The more meaningful and thought-provoking posts will have to wait, cause I just don't have any energy to spare. (Just a quick heads up: I did not re-read this before publishing, so you've been warned.)

Instead, I'll share a lovely anecdote from my day today, a little blip on what otherwise was a coffee-filled day of accomplishing things:

I have an hour in between my first college class and my second and I've taken to spending it in the library/computer center. I go straight from my Lit. class to a computer and I run into a problem. I normally have a coffee with me, whether I bought it or brought it from home, or a bottle of water or some kind of beverage because I'm a human being and I like to have something to drink. Only there's a problem because I don't want to take my open coffee into the bathroom with me but I don't want to leave my stuff unattended in the student center. I'm not paranoid or anything, it just feels weird to me on both spectrums. So, I normally tend to just...hold it for half an hour or so. This study break has become more of a youtube break, since this is the time I usually catch up on Rosi and Zefrank and Lex's videos (somehow I've formed a pattern, DailyGrace/music videos during my HS computer class, really brilliant and insightful videos during my break). Around 1:30, I walk across campus to my Sociology class and drop off my books and beverage at my seat and then go to the bathroom. I don't know why I feel more comfortable leaving my stuff unattended in this classroom, but it's probably just sheer size. I have maybe 35 people in my class? As opposed to how many people can fit in a freaking library/computer lab/student center thang. I'm not worried about anything happening in particular. The only thing that really slightly worries me is the kid who sits next to me every class wears weird hats and is constantly muttering to himself while on his (vibrating) phone.*

This is a fairly normal schedule for me. (I don't have a lot of routine in my life---I actually have basically none at all. Other than this regular little bit I've formed for myself this semester. Indulge me.) Except today, when I went to the bathroom, my zipper decided to break. I still feel a little betrayed and broken, like my jeans but it doesn't help that I BLISTERED MY FINGER TRYING TO FIX IT. I spent a solid 10 minutes pressed up against the stall wall in the LEAST sexy way possible. It was so frustrating and annoying and I actually broke out into a little bit of a sweat. I couldn't help a few groans of irritation that slipped out. It sounded weird from where I was, so I can only imagine how it sounded to my fellow bathroomers. Sorry, guys. In the end, I tugged them up as high on my waist as they'd go, pulled my shirt as low as it'd fall, and that was that for the next hour and a half.

I guess I have to find a way to fix these pants? I just bought these jerks. I don't want to jean shop again for as long as I can possibly avoid it.

*1. WHY DO PEOPLE NOT PUT THEIR PHONE ON SILENT?! YOU ARE IN CLASS. YOUR PHONE IS LOUD. SHUT. UP. IT SHAKES THE TABLE AND IT'S JUST PLAIN UNNECESSARY. STOP.
2. Why even bother coming to class if you spend the entire time on your phone anyway? I don't get it. Take notes or take off. (...it's late, I tried...A little. I tried a little.)

Days left of high school: 17

Friday, April 26, 2013

QUEEN OF EVERYTHING

Last night's concert was the best ever, ever, ever. Ed's set was perfectly organized, if only too short; Taylor was gorgeous and sweet and on it the whole night. I didn't sit down the entire show, I actually never even made it to my designated seat...

First things first, my mom took me to Walgreens where I bought glitter tattoos, a plain white t-shirt, a huge-ass 4th of July decorative bow, battery-powered lights, and a new red lipstick. I straightened my hair, did my makeup, put on my dress, and wrapped myself in flashing lights. It almost felt like practice for prom? (With the exception of the half hour where a panic attack was a legitimate fear, it was fun! My mom and I had gotten coffee, and while I ordered a large and she ordered an extra large, they mixed them up so I guess I had too much dairy and my throat got really tight and my chest was constricted and I literally felt like I was going to puke and pass out for a little while. Which was awful. I sat on my bathroom floor with a cold compress and a popsicle just trying to breathe for a good chunk of time, which makes the fact that I still looked so good all the more impressive. Boom.) With a playlist queued up on Spotify, and a fistful of bobby pins, I finished attaching the bow meant for a tree to my head and headed out.

My friend Tara and I got to the show exactly as the first act was leaving and Ed was about to go on. In a rush, we found our row and just sat in the first open seats we found without actually checking the seat numbers...Which was fine for the duration of Give Me Love but then the family showed up and we had to embarrassingly excuse ourselves. A few rows lower were two people from my school, sitting on the end of the aisle. We placed ourselves right there in the aisle, which lasted us for the rest of Ed's set. It was really fun because Tara didn't know Ed, but my other friend did, so the screaming and dancing was the perfect way to start off the show. When he was finished, Tara went to investigate why some people were getting fold out chairs on the platform in the section lower than us...and came back to tell us she'd scored us lower seats, too. Tara talked to security and guest services and got us four seats in the section beneath us! (WAHT?!?!!!!) The thing is, I wasn't even surprised. I've known Tara for basically my entire life and this has always been how it is with her. Besides being a wonderful friend, she's extremely handy.

What was really surprising was how much better the view was from our new spot was. We had been in the top section of the arena, a few rows from the back wall--the definition of nosebleeds--so going from row 13 to row 2 was awesome. Especially for standing and dancing without being afraid for my life. Row 13 is HIGH and so seemingly steep it was terrifying. Even in row 2 I nearly fell into the people in front of me a few times...The colorful bruise decorating my shin like a trophy for Out-of-Control Dancing can attest to that fact.

The music between acts was so good, everything was great. Then Taylor came out and I lost my shit. More than once I danced the bow right out of my hair. How could I not with things like:

The dubstep breakdown in Trouble. THE DUBSTEP BREAKDOWN. God, I love that song. The costumes, the choreography, the masquerade theme (with a Hogwarts backdrop, don't even try and tell me the fancy window behind her doesn't look straight out of the castle).


Mean's merry-go-round backround and banjo combination was so fun and cute and infectious. Have I mentioned how well Taylor has perfected the sassy-eyed looks? 'Cause shit, gurl. Not one of the 50,000 people in that audience thought she couldn't sing, and she knew it.

22!!! Moving to the B-stage in the middle, she ended the song on the circular platform surrounded by dancers in like a gangster dance-off setting? Cool.

Then she started talking about a mother/daughter she met at the meet and greet and as soon as the words were out of her mouth I knew I would cry. "Wow. This beautiful bitch. I am going to cry," I declared. And so I did. I'm pretty positive a time won't come when I don't cry at The Best Day. Any song that hits so close to home when it comes to my relationship with my mom and I'm done. Believe it or not, I'd already cried twice to that song that day. (How could you not believe that, though? I have way too many feelings.)

I sang All Too Well until I actually felt my stomach ache. It was perfect.

I wasn't expecting Love Story, and while I normally refer it to it as my least favourite song, it's hard not to love every single thing that happens live in that kind of environment.

For the finale, Never Getting Back Together's set had an Alice in Wonderland feeling, but also a circus? Which was super cool because Tay looked like a combo ring leader/mad hatter, and a totally kickass sparkly goddess making the stage her absolute bitch.

Days left of high school: 18


Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thoreau, yo.

The past two days have basically entirely been spent re-watching the third season of Gilmore Girls and working on my research paper for my literature class, of which a rough draft has to be presented to my professor for discussion and review tomorrow. I've got about 5 pages of material right now, only I'm afraid it's going to be a lot harder to pull it all together than it was getting all these thoughts down. It's really helpful that I love the topic I chose: Analyzing "Walden" by Thoreau and the metaphor of people as minxes and wolves. It's interesting to think about and somehow I have a lot to say. The thing is, re-reading my topic proposal I really, really like it. I'm actually a little concerned my paper won't be as good as my proposal. BUT, since I managed to let my mom read my proposal in front of me without physically cringing at all, and I'm busy working on this paper, I figured I could just cheat a little tonight and post from my proposal:

Obviously, scientifically, a minx can never turn into a wolf. It's physically impossible. A minx is a minx and a wolf is a wolf. A minx can, however, act unlike most minxes. A minx can get bit by something rabid, develop rabies itself, and suddenly feel the urge to bite the face off of everything that crosses its path. It could happen; It could become feral. To carry this metaphor on, perhaps it's not infected with disease, perhaps it's infected with knowledge or curiosity. Obviously, most animals, like minxes I assume, do not have the ability to think and feel the way humans do (they lack our emotions and level of consciousness). It would be a lot weirder for an animal to think and decide what to do seeing as they are controlled purely by instinct. Carrying this over to people, let's look at a poor person born into a poor family, generation upon generation living their lives without much hope to change. Perhaps not even much desire to change their status. They get by and they accept that and live their lives so that they feel fulfilled on their terms. But then comes the curiosity, what COULD life be like? What would happen if someone challenged everything in their life to the point where they found themselves to be a completely different person with completely new opportunities? 

There's a lot of privilege that needs to be checked with this idea; not everyone has the comfort or luxury of thinking outside of the box they live in. It could be argued, however, that this day in age, whether you're starving on the street or starving for attention in your own reality TV show, everyone is trying to survive at the base of it all. Everyone wants to be happy. 

While I think it's brave to accept being a minx, that this "cage" is your life, and find ways to be happy and enjoy all of life's fruits on your own terms. Whether by working all day, going to bed at night, and getting up to do it again the next day, by questioning everything, or being happy with the simple life accepting the things you believe to be true. There is also courage to be found in the decision to break down those cage walls you've been born into, the walls they say you'll never be able to breach. A minx cannot become a wolf, they say. But a minx can think like a wolf.


Keep in mind it is just a proposal, so don't be too hard on me if it's not all great ;)

Days of high school: 24

Friday, April 5, 2013

BROWNIE TIME

I didn't blog yesterday and on top of the fact that I've already told myself I need to tonight, Gwen and Izzy demand, "You can't not blog two nights in a row!" So, here I am again! I felt no ounce of guilt about not blogging last night...but today I did. Last night was spent eating dinner on my bedroom floor at 9 pm and then stressing about scholarships and school all night and for the first half of today, so I was a little distracted. However, I've basically come to terms with the fact that I've done all I can. At least for right now.

In the past twenty four hours we've already watched the entire first season of The Big C AND gone out for lunch after my classes. Like, we get shit done.

Now I'm sitting in bed, with my feet up on Izzy and an irresponsibly open and nearly empty bag of delicious hot chips next to me and Watsky and Bo are playing in the background. We're about to head out for a wild suburban night of half-priced appetizers at Applebees! Gwen and I have been counting down the hours until Brownie Time since 3. The time has come for desserts.

WOO!

BROWNIES!


Days left of high school: 33?

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

I'm a little drunk on words.

Tonight has been spent trying to retain as much Emerson and Thoreau and Hawthorne as possible in as little time as possible because tomorrow morning I have to take an exam for Lit. class. Four essays in three hours; I'll have no problem making it within the time, seeing as the last exam was three essays in 50 minutes. HA! I got an A. I'm still nervous, though, even though on top of the three hour time limit is the bonus fact that it's an online test. Which means I have three hours, a notebook full of notes, and the actual texts in front of me. Typing all this out has actually been a very cathartic de-stresser. Cool! I'm totally gonna give myself time to shower before sleeping tonight.

Then tomorrow, after the exam, I'm driving to pick up my lovely best friends Izzy and Gwen (from what I've surmised, my only blog readers. I know you guys just click the link a bunch of times to make it look like I'm getting more views ;)  so, I may not be blogging this weekend, and I don't even mind about "breaking the rules" of BEDA because, opposed to what the very title suggests...I'm Avril Lavigne. Fuck the rules. I mean, if I have my best friends next to me, why would I be on the internet?????*

I'll probably still blog, though. Just not about anything topical or anything, don't get your hopes high.

But now I'm gonna go continue to study and not spend too much time blogging more.

*I joke because internet friends

Days left of high school: 35

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

BEDA and TVD---Let's Talk About Sex...y Jawlines

Might as well play off my lack of posting yesterday as part of the BEDA tradition with me, yeah? It totally wasn't because, while I had time to post, I just...didn't. The month-realization hit me in the morning, but by evening I'd forgotten again. Instead, I just spent all night...
...
...
watching Vampire Diaries.*

This show is a rabbit hole. It all started last Wednesday night. I saw a gif of Paul Wesley's jaw on Tumblr and...I needed more. It started slowly, 5 minutes of the first episode, then I turned it off...Only to go right back. I put far too much effort into playing the next two episodes on my crappy computer before cuddling up in bed and falling asleep to it. Now I'm nearly halfway through the third season. That first picture was the gateway gif. The first inhale of marijuana and now suddenly I'm snorting crack; All day, every day. Basically, the second half of my spring break was entirely spent in my living room, watching this show with my mom and shoving unbelievable amounts of junk food into my mouth. (I made cookies that I barely even remember because I ate them so fast.)

I'm surprised with how much I seriously like this show. I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I remember watching the dumpster/fire scene from the first season back when it was first on TV, but I had no interest and just never looked back. I saw stuff about it all over the internet and even though I resisted, somewhere deep down I knew that eventually I would fall into this shows grasp just like I did with Heroes and LOST. I really, really like TV shows.

TVD is really well-timed, which something I've picked up on specifically. The music is always good, too. The characters are deep and even though there are crazy connections out the wazoo, it seems to be well-thought out. I'm only at the start of season 3, but I don't have a lot to complain about at all. Other than the total lack of Bonnie-worship, of course. She should literally be queen of everything.

All of this Klaus business with the vampires and werewolves and witches to keep straight, my mom literally just shouted that her head is going to explode.

It's all good, though.

Except for the fact that Netflix only has through the third season. Therefore, the end of this means either some serious withdrawals before they add the fourth season or I have to put in all the effort that goes along with trying to do anything on this computer that involves watching video. This shitty laptop that I often feel like throwing against the wall might just be my social life's saving grace!

But seriously. Look at this beautiful, giant headed man of pure sex and beauty:


Plus, he's a part of this gorgeous marriage:


I basically want them and their sexy jaws to be together forever. 

ALSO CLAIRE HOLT! I loved her as a mermaid and now she's a boss vampire. Cool.


*AKA: Muscular Men in Tight T-Shirts

Yay BEDA 2013!
Days left of high school: 36

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Can we just NOT?

I AM PISSED. Not only because the creamer in my coffee is making my throat hurt. No. My nail polish is black and I'm ready to rant. I'm extremely annoyed with this:

Not only was this image enlightening, but the comments were astonishing:

"Oh, I am DEFINITELY the one on the right"
"Way more like the one on the right"
"I HATE the one on the left"
"At least I play retro-modern games not stupid mainstream ones like COD"

With over 6,000 likes and 11,773 shares...This is kind of a popular way of thinking. At least among certain circles. I've done so much research on this over the past few days that my poor computer can barely handle all the tabs I've opened at once.

SO MANY GIRLS ATTACK OTHER GIRLS ON THIS, TOO! WHY?!

I've read women say flat out that any girl like the one on the left are slutty whores unworthy of respect. They're not worthy of your respect?! They're human beings! I HIGHLY doubt they're playing video games just to get male attention, and whatever, even if they are. That's their own self-esteem problem, how does that justify disrespect? Maybe they just really enjoy COD and DS games? How does that make them any less of a legitimate fan of video games? The girls playing that card ("That slut's just saying she likes video games so guys will want to sleep with her!!!!!") are also the ones who follow up with: "I'm totally the one on the right hehehahahahhehhahhah I swear like a sailor aoidaddjlkgdh." Yeah, whatever you're sooooo superior. I'd put a lot of money of the bet that you're pretty insecure about yourself, too. 

There's no set box everyone's supposed to fit into, not everyone has to like the same thing in the same way. If someone enjoys casually playing games like COD and wants to label themselves as a "nerd" for whatever reason, that's them. You don't get to decide who calls themselves what. That's just not how it works. Call yourself whatever you want. Someone who only plays a few games is not a lesser human being than someone who plays a myriad of games. No one's inherently superior than anyone else for liking something more. You may be more skilled at the game, but that's about it. 

Everyone needs to stop deciding who is a "real" fan and who isn't. Where is the line drawn between someone who's a "wannabe" and someone who just is? Isn't wanting to be good enough? Stop judging everyone on such simple minded context; humans are fucking complex as SHIT. Just because a girl likes to wear lingerie and play Call of Duty doesn't mean she's not a reeeeallll "gamer girl", no. She's fake. Ugh. Gross. Slut. How about NO.

If you don't do this, or read this, or know that, or see that, some people decide that somehow that makes you less of a fan. Sure, as a massive Harry Potter fan, it baffles me when people are fans of the movie but haven't read the book. I don't get it. I don't understand. I don't really feel any desire to discuss the plot with them, but I'm not going to attack them. Whatever floats their disappointing, little boat; It's their life! Who are you to decide whether this person is validated or not? No. Get off your ultra manly high horse of manly-ness.

RAH THIS GIRL IS BETTER THAN ME AT CALL OF DUTY AND DOESNT WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME IM GOING TO MAKE A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PICTURE. 

Even when a girl shows interest in the predominantly-male gaming community, if she doesn't act the way they dictate she should, she gets shut down! Why do some people make it so difficult to join something new, to feel apart of a community? One long comment from a girl talked about how much crap she gets from guys for even opening her mouth on mic while they play. "Oh, you're a girl that's why you suck."; "You obviously have no life, you must be ugly."; and how she gets "pointless sexual comments just for talking."

I have taken over my boyfriend's microphone while he's playing and yeah, that's basically how it goes. They all know I'm not the one playing but they immediately start spewing exhausted "women" jokes about making sandwiches and our "lack of rights" and how utterly hilarious our existence is. I take comfort in the fact that they've never come close to touching a woman and the fact that my boyfriend is not friends with them. 

The woman that spoke up about receiving shit also said that when people play games, they aren't a gender, they're gamers. I think it should be possible to accept each other without having to disregard gender. Get over it, boys, girls are going to want to play, too.

I don't play any video games other than A Series of Unfortunate Events on PS3 and my brief history with DS games like Lizzie McGuire and Finding Nemo, and I by no means identify with being a member of the gaming fandom, but I respect video games. They're genuinely cool and interesting and I'm glad they exist. The fandom, however, has got some serious dark spots. Such is with every fandom, I'd say. That doesn't mean we can't do anything to change that. 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Ke$ha love


Can everyone please stop hatin' on Kesha? She gets so much shit, and for what? I've compiled a list on why everyone should love or, at the very least, respect the glittery goddess that is Ke$ha:
If I could pull of this look, you bet your sweet ass I would.

  •  She's extremely talented. Genuinely. If anyone took the time to listen to her new CD, they'd know that. Her voice is beautiful, like her face.
  •  Her face. Gorgeous. Covered in glitter, or not. She reminds me of Kristen Stewart; They do whatever the heck they want without giving a second thought to the paparazzi. 
  •  Attitude. Can you see the fucks Kesha gives? 'Cause I can't. 
I don't know if she actually said this, but it sounds like something she would. So, let's go with it.
  • Her music is FUN! It's fun to listen to, to dance to, to sing along to. Why do so many people think that because she chooses to make songs that are specifically for clubs and dancing, she's untalented? She likes to mess around with rapping and auto-tuning, who cares? It sounds cool. How does that make it any less like "real music"? "Oh, this is fun to listen to? Definitely DESTROYING THE MUSIC INDUSTRY RAH!!!!!!" Calm down, tiger. 
Sparkly five-year-old
  • She dropped out of high school to pursue her music career but still got her GED. She did both, which is kickass.
  • She writes her own songs!
  • "I am a badass warrior woman" was basically my mantra of 2012. Kesha completely emanates that warrior attitude and I'm all about that empowerment.

Friday, January 4, 2013

I don't wanna waaaait

for my liiiiiife to be oooveeerrrr.

Happy New Year!

No one needs another recap of the insanity that was last year, but hot damn 2012 was a rollercoaster. 2012 was the Millenium Force. Up, down, up, down, high highs and low lows. Hopefully 2013 will be all the high positivity of 2012 minus all the low negatives. As far as the last few days of the ending year goes, this year is definitely looking up. Also: I graduate high school this year! Wha-whaaaaaat. And...I move this year. I move INTO COLLEGE. This year. What? I'm pretty positive I know where I'm gonna go, and I'm already accepted, but I'm still applying to another college. Except now that I have the acceptance letter to my top-choice school in hand, it's hard to muster the effort towards another app. But, I will.

All of this application anxiety and general rable-rousing that has come along with senior year has been making me think a lot about the future, which I guess is basically the point. I've always been very bad at living in the moment, unable to refrain from gazing ahead into what might be coming next. I've been workin' on that.

The next 5-10 years are like, THE years, right? These are the years that are looked back on in such a light that make middle age people so nostalgic. Young adulthood. College. So many personality-molding experiences crammed into these years. I'm thoroughly enjoying being 18 so far, but I don't want to look back when I'm 45 at being young and feel sad or regretful that I didn't do enough. That's a lot of pressure that I don't want to feel. I like what I'm doing...but should I be doing more? I mean I could be writing a screenplay and filming terrible movies on my iphone every day. I'm not doing that, but that is what I could be doing other than sitting in my pajamas, milking The Lord of the Rings DVDS for every single minute of extras they have. Doing things more like that would be, arguably, more beneficial to my character, right?...Psh, the knowledge about how they made lotr will totally help me further in life.

All I can really see in my future is college and I'm excited. I'm pumped for the next four years! I've always wanted this college experience. I want to study so much and travel and learn and write and make new friends. The only thing is, at the end of the four years, all I see is...blank? I can't see anything. I literally don't know what happens after college. Obviously down the line I see myself happy with a family and a career and a house, but how did I get there? My grandparents have only been too kind already to remind me of the potential debilitating debt that can come along with college. Thanks, guys!!!1 Love ya. I don't know how I'm going to pay for college, I have no clue what I'm going to do after college, but I'm going to do college. I guess I'll just work everything out as I go.

My mom's on her way home with Chipotle, so this burrito and I are gonna carpe diem it up!