Monday, April 29, 2013

Boulevard of Broken Pants

I have SO many half-finished posts, reviews, rants, lists. They're just sitting around, sad and incomplete, but I'm afraid they'll have to stay that way for now. The more meaningful and thought-provoking posts will have to wait, cause I just don't have any energy to spare. (Just a quick heads up: I did not re-read this before publishing, so you've been warned.)

Instead, I'll share a lovely anecdote from my day today, a little blip on what otherwise was a coffee-filled day of accomplishing things:

I have an hour in between my first college class and my second and I've taken to spending it in the library/computer center. I go straight from my Lit. class to a computer and I run into a problem. I normally have a coffee with me, whether I bought it or brought it from home, or a bottle of water or some kind of beverage because I'm a human being and I like to have something to drink. Only there's a problem because I don't want to take my open coffee into the bathroom with me but I don't want to leave my stuff unattended in the student center. I'm not paranoid or anything, it just feels weird to me on both spectrums. So, I normally tend to just...hold it for half an hour or so. This study break has become more of a youtube break, since this is the time I usually catch up on Rosi and Zefrank and Lex's videos (somehow I've formed a pattern, DailyGrace/music videos during my HS computer class, really brilliant and insightful videos during my break). Around 1:30, I walk across campus to my Sociology class and drop off my books and beverage at my seat and then go to the bathroom. I don't know why I feel more comfortable leaving my stuff unattended in this classroom, but it's probably just sheer size. I have maybe 35 people in my class? As opposed to how many people can fit in a freaking library/computer lab/student center thang. I'm not worried about anything happening in particular. The only thing that really slightly worries me is the kid who sits next to me every class wears weird hats and is constantly muttering to himself while on his (vibrating) phone.*

This is a fairly normal schedule for me. (I don't have a lot of routine in my life---I actually have basically none at all. Other than this regular little bit I've formed for myself this semester. Indulge me.) Except today, when I went to the bathroom, my zipper decided to break. I still feel a little betrayed and broken, like my jeans but it doesn't help that I BLISTERED MY FINGER TRYING TO FIX IT. I spent a solid 10 minutes pressed up against the stall wall in the LEAST sexy way possible. It was so frustrating and annoying and I actually broke out into a little bit of a sweat. I couldn't help a few groans of irritation that slipped out. It sounded weird from where I was, so I can only imagine how it sounded to my fellow bathroomers. Sorry, guys. In the end, I tugged them up as high on my waist as they'd go, pulled my shirt as low as it'd fall, and that was that for the next hour and a half.

I guess I have to find a way to fix these pants? I just bought these jerks. I don't want to jean shop again for as long as I can possibly avoid it.

2. Why even bother coming to class if you spend the entire time on your phone anyway? I don't get it. Take notes or take off. ('s late, I tried...A little. I tried a little.)

Days left of high school: 17

Friday, April 26, 2013


Last night's concert was the best ever, ever, ever. Ed's set was perfectly organized, if only too short; Taylor was gorgeous and sweet and on it the whole night. I didn't sit down the entire show, I actually never even made it to my designated seat...

First things first, my mom took me to Walgreens where I bought glitter tattoos, a plain white t-shirt, a huge-ass 4th of July decorative bow, battery-powered lights, and a new red lipstick. I straightened my hair, did my makeup, put on my dress, and wrapped myself in flashing lights. It almost felt like practice for prom? (With the exception of the half hour where a panic attack was a legitimate fear, it was fun! My mom and I had gotten coffee, and while I ordered a large and she ordered an extra large, they mixed them up so I guess I had too much dairy and my throat got really tight and my chest was constricted and I literally felt like I was going to puke and pass out for a little while. Which was awful. I sat on my bathroom floor with a cold compress and a popsicle just trying to breathe for a good chunk of time, which makes the fact that I still looked so good all the more impressive. Boom.) With a playlist queued up on Spotify, and a fistful of bobby pins, I finished attaching the bow meant for a tree to my head and headed out.

My friend Tara and I got to the show exactly as the first act was leaving and Ed was about to go on. In a rush, we found our row and just sat in the first open seats we found without actually checking the seat numbers...Which was fine for the duration of Give Me Love but then the family showed up and we had to embarrassingly excuse ourselves. A few rows lower were two people from my school, sitting on the end of the aisle. We placed ourselves right there in the aisle, which lasted us for the rest of Ed's set. It was really fun because Tara didn't know Ed, but my other friend did, so the screaming and dancing was the perfect way to start off the show. When he was finished, Tara went to investigate why some people were getting fold out chairs on the platform in the section lower than us...and came back to tell us she'd scored us lower seats, too. Tara talked to security and guest services and got us four seats in the section beneath us! (WAHT?!?!!!!) The thing is, I wasn't even surprised. I've known Tara for basically my entire life and this has always been how it is with her. Besides being a wonderful friend, she's extremely handy.

What was really surprising was how much better the view was from our new spot was. We had been in the top section of the arena, a few rows from the back wall--the definition of nosebleeds--so going from row 13 to row 2 was awesome. Especially for standing and dancing without being afraid for my life. Row 13 is HIGH and so seemingly steep it was terrifying. Even in row 2 I nearly fell into the people in front of me a few times...The colorful bruise decorating my shin like a trophy for Out-of-Control Dancing can attest to that fact.

The music between acts was so good, everything was great. Then Taylor came out and I lost my shit. More than once I danced the bow right out of my hair. How could I not with things like:

The dubstep breakdown in Trouble. THE DUBSTEP BREAKDOWN. God, I love that song. The costumes, the choreography, the masquerade theme (with a Hogwarts backdrop, don't even try and tell me the fancy window behind her doesn't look straight out of the castle).

Mean's merry-go-round backround and banjo combination was so fun and cute and infectious. Have I mentioned how well Taylor has perfected the sassy-eyed looks? 'Cause shit, gurl. Not one of the 50,000 people in that audience thought she couldn't sing, and she knew it.

22!!! Moving to the B-stage in the middle, she ended the song on the circular platform surrounded by dancers in like a gangster dance-off setting? Cool.

Then she started talking about a mother/daughter she met at the meet and greet and as soon as the words were out of her mouth I knew I would cry. "Wow. This beautiful bitch. I am going to cry," I declared. And so I did. I'm pretty positive a time won't come when I don't cry at The Best Day. Any song that hits so close to home when it comes to my relationship with my mom and I'm done. Believe it or not, I'd already cried twice to that song that day. (How could you not believe that, though? I have way too many feelings.)

I sang All Too Well until I actually felt my stomach ache. It was perfect.

I wasn't expecting Love Story, and while I normally refer it to it as my least favourite song, it's hard not to love every single thing that happens live in that kind of environment.

For the finale, Never Getting Back Together's set had an Alice in Wonderland feeling, but also a circus? Which was super cool because Tay looked like a combo ring leader/mad hatter, and a totally kickass sparkly goddess making the stage her absolute bitch.

Days left of high school: 18

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thoreau, yo.

The past two days have basically entirely been spent re-watching the third season of Gilmore Girls and working on my research paper for my literature class, of which a rough draft has to be presented to my professor for discussion and review tomorrow. I've got about 5 pages of material right now, only I'm afraid it's going to be a lot harder to pull it all together than it was getting all these thoughts down. It's really helpful that I love the topic I chose: Analyzing "Walden" by Thoreau and the metaphor of people as minxes and wolves. It's interesting to think about and somehow I have a lot to say. The thing is, re-reading my topic proposal I really, really like it. I'm actually a little concerned my paper won't be as good as my proposal. BUT, since I managed to let my mom read my proposal in front of me without physically cringing at all, and I'm busy working on this paper, I figured I could just cheat a little tonight and post from my proposal:

Obviously, scientifically, a minx can never turn into a wolf. It's physically impossible. A minx is a minx and a wolf is a wolf. A minx can, however, act unlike most minxes. A minx can get bit by something rabid, develop rabies itself, and suddenly feel the urge to bite the face off of everything that crosses its path. It could happen; It could become feral. To carry this metaphor on, perhaps it's not infected with disease, perhaps it's infected with knowledge or curiosity. Obviously, most animals, like minxes I assume, do not have the ability to think and feel the way humans do (they lack our emotions and level of consciousness). It would be a lot weirder for an animal to think and decide what to do seeing as they are controlled purely by instinct. Carrying this over to people, let's look at a poor person born into a poor family, generation upon generation living their lives without much hope to change. Perhaps not even much desire to change their status. They get by and they accept that and live their lives so that they feel fulfilled on their terms. But then comes the curiosity, what COULD life be like? What would happen if someone challenged everything in their life to the point where they found themselves to be a completely different person with completely new opportunities? 

There's a lot of privilege that needs to be checked with this idea; not everyone has the comfort or luxury of thinking outside of the box they live in. It could be argued, however, that this day in age, whether you're starving on the street or starving for attention in your own reality TV show, everyone is trying to survive at the base of it all. Everyone wants to be happy. 

While I think it's brave to accept being a minx, that this "cage" is your life, and find ways to be happy and enjoy all of life's fruits on your own terms. Whether by working all day, going to bed at night, and getting up to do it again the next day, by questioning everything, or being happy with the simple life accepting the things you believe to be true. There is also courage to be found in the decision to break down those cage walls you've been born into, the walls they say you'll never be able to breach. A minx cannot become a wolf, they say. But a minx can think like a wolf.

Keep in mind it is just a proposal, so don't be too hard on me if it's not all great ;)

Days of high school: 24

Friday, April 5, 2013


I didn't blog yesterday and on top of the fact that I've already told myself I need to tonight, Gwen and Izzy demand, "You can't not blog two nights in a row!" So, here I am again! I felt no ounce of guilt about not blogging last night...but today I did. Last night was spent eating dinner on my bedroom floor at 9 pm and then stressing about scholarships and school all night and for the first half of today, so I was a little distracted. However, I've basically come to terms with the fact that I've done all I can. At least for right now.

In the past twenty four hours we've already watched the entire first season of The Big C AND gone out for lunch after my classes. Like, we get shit done.

Now I'm sitting in bed, with my feet up on Izzy and an irresponsibly open and nearly empty bag of delicious hot chips next to me and Watsky and Bo are playing in the background. We're about to head out for a wild suburban night of half-priced appetizers at Applebees! Gwen and I have been counting down the hours until Brownie Time since 3. The time has come for desserts.



Days left of high school: 33?

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

I'm a little drunk on words.

Tonight has been spent trying to retain as much Emerson and Thoreau and Hawthorne as possible in as little time as possible because tomorrow morning I have to take an exam for Lit. class. Four essays in three hours; I'll have no problem making it within the time, seeing as the last exam was three essays in 50 minutes. HA! I got an A. I'm still nervous, though, even though on top of the three hour time limit is the bonus fact that it's an online test. Which means I have three hours, a notebook full of notes, and the actual texts in front of me. Typing all this out has actually been a very cathartic de-stresser. Cool! I'm totally gonna give myself time to shower before sleeping tonight.

Then tomorrow, after the exam, I'm driving to pick up my lovely best friends Izzy and Gwen (from what I've surmised, my only blog readers. I know you guys just click the link a bunch of times to make it look like I'm getting more views ;)  so, I may not be blogging this weekend, and I don't even mind about "breaking the rules" of BEDA because, opposed to what the very title suggests...I'm Avril Lavigne. Fuck the rules. I mean, if I have my best friends next to me, why would I be on the internet?????*

I'll probably still blog, though. Just not about anything topical or anything, don't get your hopes high.

But now I'm gonna go continue to study and not spend too much time blogging more.

*I joke because internet friends

Days left of high school: 35

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

BEDA and TVD---Let's Talk About Sex...y Jawlines

Might as well play off my lack of posting yesterday as part of the BEDA tradition with me, yeah? It totally wasn't because, while I had time to post, I just...didn't. The month-realization hit me in the morning, but by evening I'd forgotten again. Instead, I just spent all night...
watching Vampire Diaries.*

This show is a rabbit hole. It all started last Wednesday night. I saw a gif of Paul Wesley's jaw on Tumblr and...I needed more. It started slowly, 5 minutes of the first episode, then I turned it off...Only to go right back. I put far too much effort into playing the next two episodes on my crappy computer before cuddling up in bed and falling asleep to it. Now I'm nearly halfway through the third season. That first picture was the gateway gif. The first inhale of marijuana and now suddenly I'm snorting crack; All day, every day. Basically, the second half of my spring break was entirely spent in my living room, watching this show with my mom and shoving unbelievable amounts of junk food into my mouth. (I made cookies that I barely even remember because I ate them so fast.)

I'm surprised with how much I seriously like this show. I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I remember watching the dumpster/fire scene from the first season back when it was first on TV, but I had no interest and just never looked back. I saw stuff about it all over the internet and even though I resisted, somewhere deep down I knew that eventually I would fall into this shows grasp just like I did with Heroes and LOST. I really, really like TV shows.

TVD is really well-timed, which something I've picked up on specifically. The music is always good, too. The characters are deep and even though there are crazy connections out the wazoo, it seems to be well-thought out. I'm only at the start of season 3, but I don't have a lot to complain about at all. Other than the total lack of Bonnie-worship, of course. She should literally be queen of everything.

All of this Klaus business with the vampires and werewolves and witches to keep straight, my mom literally just shouted that her head is going to explode.

It's all good, though.

Except for the fact that Netflix only has through the third season. Therefore, the end of this means either some serious withdrawals before they add the fourth season or I have to put in all the effort that goes along with trying to do anything on this computer that involves watching video. This shitty laptop that I often feel like throwing against the wall might just be my social life's saving grace!

But seriously. Look at this beautiful, giant headed man of pure sex and beauty:

Plus, he's a part of this gorgeous marriage:

I basically want them and their sexy jaws to be together forever. 

ALSO CLAIRE HOLT! I loved her as a mermaid and now she's a boss vampire. Cool.

*AKA: Muscular Men in Tight T-Shirts

Yay BEDA 2013!
Days left of high school: 36