BROWNIE TIME

I didn't blog yesterday and on top of the fact that I've already told myself I need to tonight, Gwen and Izzy demand, "You can't not blog two nights in a row!" So, here I am again! I felt no ounce of guilt about not blogging last night...but today I did. Last night was spent eating dinner on my bedroom floor at 9 pm and then stressing about scholarships and school all night and for the first half of today, so I was a little distracted. However, I've basically come to terms with the fact that I've done all I can. At least for right now.

In the past twenty four hours we've already watched the entire first season of The Big C AND gone out for lunch after my classes. Like, we get shit done.

Now I'm sitting in bed, with my feet up on Izzy and an irresponsibly open and nearly empty bag of delicious hot chips next to me and Watsky and Bo are playing in the background. We're about to head out for a wild suburban night of half-priced appetizers at Applebees! Gwen and I have been counting down the hours until Brownie Time since 3. The time has come for desserts.

WOO!

BROWNIES!


Days left of high school: 33?

I'm a little drunk on words.

Tonight has been spent trying to retain as much Emerson and Thoreau and Hawthorne as possible in as little time as possible because tomorrow morning I have to take an exam for Lit. class. Four essays in three hours; I'll have no problem making it within the time, seeing as the last exam was three essays in 50 minutes. HA! I got an A. I'm still nervous, though, even though on top of the three hour time limit is the bonus fact that it's an online test. Which means I have three hours, a notebook full of notes, and the actual texts in front of me. Typing all this out has actually been a very cathartic de-stresser. Cool! I'm totally gonna give myself time to shower before sleeping tonight.

Then tomorrow, after the exam, I'm driving to pick up my lovely best friends Izzy and Gwen (from what I've surmised, my only blog readers. I know you guys just click the link a bunch of times to make it look like I'm getting more views ;)  so, I may not be blogging this weekend, and I don't even mind about "breaking the rules" of BEDA because, opposed to what the very title suggests...I'm Avril Lavigne. Fuck the rules. I mean, if I have my best friends next to me, why would I be on the internet?????*

I'll probably still blog, though. Just not about anything topical or anything, don't get your hopes high.

But now I'm gonna go continue to study and not spend too much time blogging more.

*I joke because internet friends

Days left of high school: 35

BEDA and TVD---Let's Talk About Sex...y Jawlines

Might as well play off my lack of posting yesterday as part of the BEDA tradition with me, yeah? It totally wasn't because, while I had time to post, I just...didn't. The month-realization hit me in the morning, but by evening I'd forgotten again. Instead, I just spent all night...
...
...
watching Vampire Diaries.*

This show is a rabbit hole. It all started last Wednesday night. I saw a gif of Paul Wesley's jaw on Tumblr and...I needed more. It started slowly, 5 minutes of the first episode, then I turned it off...Only to go right back. I put far too much effort into playing the next two episodes on my crappy computer before cuddling up in bed and falling asleep to it. Now I'm nearly halfway through the third season. That first picture was the gateway gif. The first inhale of marijuana and now suddenly I'm snorting crack; All day, every day. Basically, the second half of my spring break was entirely spent in my living room, watching this show with my mom and shoving unbelievable amounts of junk food into my mouth. (I made cookies that I barely even remember because I ate them so fast.)

I'm surprised with how much I seriously like this show. I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I remember watching the dumpster/fire scene from the first season back when it was first on TV, but I had no interest and just never looked back. I saw stuff about it all over the internet and even though I resisted, somewhere deep down I knew that eventually I would fall into this shows grasp just like I did with Heroes and LOST. I really, really like TV shows.

TVD is really well-timed, which something I've picked up on specifically. The music is always good, too. The characters are deep and even though there are crazy connections out the wazoo, it seems to be well-thought out. I'm only at the start of season 3, but I don't have a lot to complain about at all. Other than the total lack of Bonnie-worship, of course. She should literally be queen of everything.

All of this Klaus business with the vampires and werewolves and witches to keep straight, my mom literally just shouted that her head is going to explode.

It's all good, though.

Except for the fact that Netflix only has through the third season. Therefore, the end of this means either some serious withdrawals before they add the fourth season or I have to put in all the effort that goes along with trying to do anything on this computer that involves watching video. This shitty laptop that I often feel like throwing against the wall might just be my social life's saving grace!

But seriously. Look at this beautiful, giant headed man of pure sex and beauty:

Plus, he's a part of this gorgeous marriage:

I basically want them and their sexy jaws to be together forever. 

ALSO CLAIRE HOLT! I loved her as a mermaid and now she's a boss vampire. Cool.


*AKA: Muscular Men in Tight T-Shirts

Yay BEDA 2013!
Days left of high school: 36

Can we just NOT?

I AM PISSED. Not only because the creamer in my coffee is making my throat hurt. No. My nail polish is black and I'm ready to rant. I'm extremely annoyed with this:

Not only was this image enlightening, but the comments were astonishing:

"Oh, I am DEFINITELY the one on the right"

"Way more like the one on the right"

"I HATE the one on the left"

"At least I play retro-modern games not stupid mainstream ones like COD"

With over 6,000 likes and 11,773 shares...This is kind of a popular way of thinking. At least among certain circles. I've done so much research on this over the past few days that my poor computer can barely handle all the tabs I've opened at once.

SO MANY GIRLS ATTACK OTHER GIRLS ON THIS, TOO! WHY?!

I've read women say flat out that any girl like the one on the left are slutty whores unworthy of respect. They're not worthy of your respect?! They're human beings! I HIGHLY doubt they're playing video games just to get male attention, and whatever, even if they are. That's their own self-esteem problem, how does that justify disrespect? Maybe they just really enjoy COD and DS games? How does that make them any less of a legitimate fan of video games? The girls playing that card ("That slut's just saying she likes video games so guys will want to sleep with her!!!!!") are also the ones who follow up with: "I'm totally the one on the right hehehahahahhehhahhah I swear like a sailor aoidaddjlkgdh." Yeah, whatever you're sooooo superior. I'd put a lot of money of the bet that you're pretty insecure about yourself, too. 

There's no set box everyone's supposed to fit into, not everyone has to like the same thing in the same way. If someone enjoys casually playing games like COD and wants to label themselves as a "nerd" for whatever reason, that's them. You don't get to decide who calls themselves what. That's just not how it works. Call yourself whatever you want. Someone who only plays a few games is not a lesser human being than someone who plays a myriad of games. No one's inherently superior than anyone else for liking something more. You may be more skilled at the game, but that's about it. 

Everyone needs to stop deciding who is a "real" fan and who isn't. Where is the line drawn between someone who's a "wannabe" and someone who just is? Isn't wanting to be good enough? Stop judging everyone on such simple minded context; humans are fucking complex as SHIT. Just because a girl likes to wear lingerie and play Call of Duty doesn't mean she's not a reeeeallll "gamer girl", no. She's fake. Ugh. Gross. Slut. How about NO.

If you don't do this, or read this, or know that, or see that, some people decide that somehow that makes you less of a fan. Sure, as a massive Harry Potter fan, it baffles me when people are fans of the movie but haven't read the book. I don't get it. I don't understand. I don't really feel any desire to discuss the plot with them, but I'm not going to attack them. Whatever floats their disappointing, little boat; It's their life! Who are you to decide whether this person is validated or not? No. Get off your ultra manly high horse of manly-ness.

RAH THIS GIRL IS BETTER THAN ME AT CALL OF DUTY AND DOESNT WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME IM GOING TO MAKE A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PICTURE. 

Even when a girl shows interest in the predominantly-male gaming community, if she doesn't act the way they dictate she should, she gets shut down! Why do some people make it so difficult to join something new, to feel apart of a community? One long comment from a girl talked about how much crap she gets from guys for even opening her mouth on mic while they play. "Oh, you're a girl that's why you suck."; "You obviously have no life, you must be ugly."; and how she gets "pointless sexual comments just for talking."

I have taken over my boyfriend's microphone while he's playing and yeah, that's basically how it goes. They all know I'm not the one playing but they immediately start spewing exhausted "women" jokes about making sandwiches and our "lack of rights" and how utterly hilarious our existence is. I take comfort in the fact that they've never come close to touching a woman and the fact that my boyfriend is not friends with them. 

The woman that spoke up about receiving shit also said that when people play games, they aren't a gender, they're gamers. I think it should be possible to accept each other without having to disregard gender. Get over it, boys, girls are going to want to play, too.

I don't play any video games other than A Series of Unfortunate Events on PS3 and my brief history with DS games like Lizzie McGuire and Finding Nemo, and I by no means identify with being a member of the gaming fandom, but I respect video games. They're genuinely cool and interesting and I'm glad they exist. The fandom, however, has got some serious dark spots. Such is with every fandom, I'd say. That doesn't mean we can't do anything to change that. 

Ke$ha love

Can everyone please stop hatin' on Kesha? She gets so much shit, and for what? I've compiled a list on why everyone should love or, at the very least, respect the glittery goddess that is Ke$ha:

If I could pull of this look, you bet your sweet ass I would.

•  She's extremely talented. Genuinely. If anyone took the time to listen to her new CD, they'd know that. Her voice is beautiful, like her face.

•  Her face. Gorgeous. Covered in glitter, or not. She reminds me of Kristen Stewart; They do whatever the heck they want without giving a second thought to the paparazzi. 

•  Attitude. Can you see the fucks Kesha gives? 'Cause I can't. 

I don't know if she actually said this, but it sounds like something she would. So, let's go with it.

• Her music is FUN! It's fun to listen to, to dance to, to sing along to. Why do so many people think that because she chooses to make songs that are specifically for clubs and dancing, she's untalented? She likes to mess around with rapping and auto-tuning, who cares? It sounds cool. How does that make it any less like "real music"? "Oh, this is fun to listen to? Definitely DESTROYING THE MUSIC INDUSTRY RAH!!!!!!" Calm down, tiger. 

Sparkly five-year-old

• She dropped out of high school to pursue her music career but still got her GED. She did both, which is kickass.

• She writes her own songs!

• "I am a badass warrior woman" was basically my mantra of 2012. Kesha completely emanates that warrior attitude and I'm all about that empowerment.

I don't wanna waaaait

for my liiiiiife to be oooveeerrrr.

Happy New Year!

No one needs another recap of the insanity that was last year, but hot damn 2012 was a rollercoaster. 2012 was the Millenium Force. Up, down, up, down, high highs and low lows. Hopefully 2013 will be all the high positivity of 2012 minus all the low negatives. As far as the last few days of the ending year goes, this year is definitely looking up. Also: I graduate high school this year! Wha-whaaaaaat. And...I move this year. I move INTO COLLEGE. This year. What? I'm pretty positive I know where I'm gonna go, and I'm already accepted, but I'm still applying to another college. Except now that I have the acceptance letter to my top-choice school in hand, it's hard to muster the effort towards another app. But, I will.

All of this application anxiety and general rable-rousing that has come along with senior year has been making me think a lot about the future, which I guess is basically the point. I've always been very bad at living in the moment, unable to refrain from gazing ahead into what might be coming next. I've been workin' on that.

The next 5-10 years are like, THE years, right? These are the years that are looked back on in such a light that make middle age people so nostalgic. Young adulthood. College. So many personality-molding experiences crammed into these years. I'm thoroughly enjoying being 18 so far, but I don't want to look back when I'm 45 at being young and feel sad or regretful that I didn't do enough. That's a lot of pressure that I don't want to feel. I like what I'm doing...but should I be doing more? I mean I could be writing a screenplay and filming terrible movies on my iphone every day. I'm not doing that, but that is what I could be doing other than sitting in my pajamas, milking The Lord of the Rings DVDS for every single minute of extras they have. Doing things more like that would be, arguably, more beneficial to my character, right?...Psh, the knowledge about how they made lotr will totally help me further in life.

All I can really see in my future is college and I'm excited. I'm pumped for the next four years! I've always wanted this college experience. I want to study so much and travel and learn and write and make new friends. The only thing is, at the end of the four years, all I see is...blank? I can't see anything. I literally don't know what happens after college. Obviously down the line I see myself happy with a family and a career and a house, but how did I get there? My grandparents have only been too kind already to remind me of the potential debilitating debt that can come along with college. Thanks, guys!!!1 Love ya. I don't know how I'm going to pay for college, I have no clue what I'm going to do after college, but I'm going to do college. I guess I'll just work everything out as I go.

My mom's on her way home with Chipotle, so this burrito and I are gonna carpe diem it up!

That'll do, pig.

This year has been by far the craziest, most insane, all-over-the-fricking-place year of my life, for some reasons I can actually talk about on the internet!

I finished up my Junior year of high school, considered to be the most important/hardest of all academic years, feeling lackluster about how hard I actually tried. Especially now, looking back a week before my senior year starts, I'm kicking myself for not focusing and working harder. As it is with me in all areas of my life, it seems. It's always been difficult for me to put things above having fun, so my social life kind of took the reigns in a lot of situations it really shouldn't have through the last school year and now i'm stuck wondering if it's too late. Will colleges look past any extra-hard work I do this year to the year previous in which I didn't work as hard? I did take college classes along side of high school classes, but is that enough in itself? Will my determined effort and excitement fade after the first few days of school as it does every year?

Only taking three classes in hell will definitely help my attitude towards...everything, most likely. That should definitely help OVERALL.

Now instead of worrying about back-to-school shopping---which I think everyone can agree is just something you don't NEED to do after elementary school, but everyone keeps doing anyway because who doesn't love brand new office supplies? I freaking LOVE office supplies. When a hot guy told me he worked at Staples, he got hotter. So I'm as serious as Jonah Botwin's heart attack when I say I'm restraining myself this year---I have to worry about getting my senior pictures scheduled after I get through my best friend's wedding*. Getting my class schedule straightened out, getting financial aid applications figured out, getting school applications figured out, getting a freaking JOB figured out, trying not to hyperventilate right now, and also...my hair. I have to figure out my hair. And how to breathe.

Let's take the intensity level down a few notches, yeah? Light-hearted news! I went to New York City for the first time! It was a school band/music department trip so I got to be with all my friends and it was generally a really good time. It was a great experience that I'm thankful for, but it pales in comparison to the trip I just got home from: LeakyCon. Perhaps travels are like children and you shouldn't pick a favourite, but holy cow LeakyCon was awesome. I know I shouldn't be too hard on one trip when the other is so obviously superior, I did a lot of things in NYC I couldn't have been able to do or afford without my school (such as going in general and touring 30 ROCK AND NBC STUDIOS!!!!)...but come on. LEAKYCON. I won't gush because that's basically all I do, but I'll just say it was an incredibly beautiful place to be with friends. And it turns out six girls in one room isn't so hard when those six girls kick ass. The two bathrooms helped a lot, too.

Chicago and New York City in one summer? That'll do, pig. That'll do.

On TOP of all that, I'll bring it back to the * and talk about my best friend's wedding**. One of my best friends, that I've known for as long as I can remember, is getting married on Saturday! That is THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Shiiiiiiiiit, that's exciting. As the maid of honor, I'll be with Tara from 9:30 tomorrow morning until 11:00 Saturday night when she and her new husband (!!!!) ride off together as newlyweds. The next two days are sure to be full of gushy, romantic moments that are too cute to handle, dance parties, crying (hopefully all happy tears---my maid of honor speech is perfect, if I do say so myself), lots of running around; And I am freaking pumped. It's not MY wedding, so instead of having to deal with the stressful stuff I just get to enjoy all the fun! My main job is keeping Tara unstressed, so bring it, next forty-eight hours. Let's do this.

**Don't worry, she's 20. Not some 17-year-old getting married.